At the gym this morning, someone made a comment that implied that I was a decade younger than I am. That’s not the first time I’ve been pegged at younger than my age,but I admit that the mistake evokes a hypocritical reaction in me – or at least an inconsistent one.
On the one hand, since age long since ceased to be a matter of whether I can buy a drink, the mistake pleases me. I’m not the first member of my family to be consistently mistaken for being younger than I am, and I exercise hard, so I’m gratified that my effort has some benefits. Also, if I’m being honest, there’s a smug little part of me that enjoys knowing a secret that others don’t (I’m not particularly proud of this part, but it exists).
Another thing: when I’m perceived as younger, younger people are often more open with me than they are when they know my age. I can whet my curiosity about them a little more easily, because they perceive me as a contemporary.
Nor can I deny the satisfaction of believing that I look younger than most people my age. When I went to a high school reunion a couple of years ago, I enjoyed observing the receding hairlines and loss of hair color in my male friends, because, so far, I haven’t been much affected by such things. I also noted that, although an injury was limiting my exercise then, I was still fitter than most. These are vanities that are more often associated with women than men, but I suspect that they’re common to both sexes. Or maybe I’m just an unusual man.
On the other hand, part of me is affronted by misapprehensions about my age. With all that I’ve gone through, I can’t help thinking that it should show on my face and body. Like a scar, signs of aging are signs of survival and respect. I’ve earned middle age, and I’d like to enjoy its privileges when I’m in it, rather than ten or fifteen years from now.
The truth is, there are advantages to being perceived as your age. You are taken more seriously than a younger person, and, for the most part, treated more politely. Fashion isn’t supposed to apply to you (not that I ever followed it anyway), and your eccentricities are treated with greater tolerance. The young can be surprisingly intolerant of difference sometimes.
All things considered, do I really want to be mistaken for younger than I am? At that same reunion, I met a woman who had had plastic surgery, at least part of which was for a more youthful appearance. I believe that she wanted her appearance to match her sense of herself, rather than simply to look younger, since she had other signs of a conflicted identity, such as using different versions of her name throughout her life. But I was intrigued by the decision, and wondered if I would ever consider doing the same.
In the end, I decided that I probably wouldn’t. But that’s an easy decision when a few crow’s feet and a sagging neck are your main signs of aging. Will I feel as defiant when my hair falls out or turns white? I can’t say, so I’ll probably feel just as ambiguous the next time someone makes the same mistake.
Off the Wall 
Nice post.
Thanks
What, you mean you’re not 27? 😛
OK, I confess: I’m 72.
I browsed to this page via google as I was thinking of writing something similar, and I think you hit the nail on the head! I am 30 this year and am usually mistaken for a 19/20 year old, and very occasionally even around 16.
As the mother of two children it is rather difficult when people think you have conceived as a teenager, and they tend to assume I am a single mother! I think this is a slant I will take with my blog post, thank you for your ideas – it is good to hear other people in the same ‘predicament’.
I am thirty but I look like ten yrs younger than my age. People think I am twenty I am thirty and I am asian that’s why!
I’m in my 40’s but am routinely mistaken for being in my 20’s.
I remember starting a new job when I was in my mid-30’s and, once the young receptionist discovered my real age, she would frequently, excitedly run up to people and ask if they could believe I was “that” old. It was a bit embarrassing, but I understood she was just enthusiastic, and not trying to “out” my real age all the time. (…not that I care if everyone knows my age.)
A couple of days ago, I was paying for a new pair of pants when the saleschild began commiserating with her equally youthful colleague that the way she was folding my pants was so “old fashioned” and “who folds pants like this,” at which point she realized, “I guess my mother folds like this.”
I chimed in, “Well, I fold my pants like that, too. But I’m old enough to be your mother.” The two of them looked at me and made openly skeptical faces. My saleschild said, “I doubt you’re old enough to be my mother.” I queried, “How old is your mother?” (Here’s where I admit that I was secretly hoping she’d say her mother was in her 50’s so I could, indeed, say I wasn’t old enough to be her mother.) She replied, “48.” I laughed and explained that her mother was just a couple of years older than I am. Both young women were flabbergasted. They said they thought I was a college student in my 20’s. They were so disbelieving, they asked to see i.d. (It’s true I was wearing rather “trendy,” albeit casual, clothes that day.)
I admitted that my older sister is regularly mistaken for being in her 20’s, and was even guessed to be 18 when she was 40 years old. (But she’s a bit of an anomaly. In fact, my next oldest sister is only one year older than her. Yet it actually happened once, when both sisters were meeting a new neighbor, and the woman thought my youthful-looking sister was my other sister’s daughter. How embarrassing for her! They’re just a year apart!!)
My mother is 82-years-old and is often quessed to be in her 50’s.
So, I suppose it’s in the blood. Then again, the sun is not my friend (I’m very fair), and I’ve avoided being in the sun my whole life. I’ve worn sunscreen everyday since I was about 20-years-old, too. I don’t have any real wrinkles to speak of. Some baby-crepiness is starting near my eyes. But that’s about it.
Still, I find it so funny how much older I am than many of the people around me in social situations (since I still like current music, movies, etc.) and my husband is only in his 30’s. Yes, my father was a soldier in World War II. Yes, I remember the 70’s…well.
Actually, that reminds me of another recent incident. Keeping in mind that I’m often mistaken for being in my 20’s, a woman mentioned something about my funky blouse, saying that it reminded her of the 70’s. “I remember it,” I quipped. She glossed over that, and went on to say it reminded her of “Club 54.” I corrected her by saying, “Studio 54,” to which she nodded in agreement. “Ah, the 70’s,” I said. “Well, you sure don’t look like you could be that old,” she replied.
hehehe…”that old”
I’m hoping I’ll look “Mamie van Doren-good” at 77 (like she is now), but I suppose without the skank factor. Only time will tell. 😉 Mamie’s had a fair bit of “work” done, too. I’m not opposed to plastic surgery, but I just haven’t felt the need, to date. Again, time will tell. 🙂
I found this on a google search, mainly because I have been feeling very frustrated with this very subject.
It is a double edge sword. Flattering, makes you feel pretty and fortunate that people think you are “reverse lying” about your age.
But the other side is, the men I find who are attracted to me are so much younger. Its fun at first, but then the difference in generation really kicks in.
The guys my age get kinda creepy when talking to me. Its hard to describe.
So, I decided to just stop dating.
The other side is, people do treat me different in the professional sphere, amongst peers my age. Its subtle, but its there.
I know this is a cryptic post. But I understand where you are coming from.
I also look younger than my biological age. I’m currently 31 and single (by choice because I’ve only heard the word “beautiful” to describe me), but depending on how I dress, I could look 8 – 15 years younger. I do take great care of myself – avoiding the sun, keeping a trim body through exercise, eating healthy, vitamins, daily moisturizer for the face and so forth.
However, I get into a problem when people do not value my opinions at work just because they believe I’m 23 despite dressing better (more professionally) and speaking more intelligently than anyone. I also get a funny look when I go for interviews especially for financial manager positions. In this case, I prefer phone interviews so I’m hired based on my experience, education, skills and abilities.
Don’t get me wrong; I love looking younger and having great skin, but it can also be problematic especially professionally. Often times among strangers in social gatherings, I’m never asked what I do for a living.
I would have to say looking younger is a combination of great genes and how well you take care of yourself. For instance, my late grandfather was 93 years old and people had often mistaken him to be in his mid 60s, but not only did he had excellent genes (as Asian), but he lived a very healthy life through his daily walks, vitamins, glass of carrot juice, green tea, etc.
This is the situation: I am 36, but look like 19 to 22. Can’t date ladies my age because they think they are dating a teenager. Can’t date younger girls (which are very often attracted to me) because… let’s face it… can’t date young girls. So, the question is, What am I supposed to do??
Very nice topic and blog, hope to find more comments in the future.
You’ve said it right there!
I was so feed up yesterday! I’m 30 years old mom but I look younger than 21, yesterday I was at a liquour store and the person in the cashier said can I see your ID? yeahhh you look wayyy too young, he said, and I knew that it was coming so I’ve said yeah I’m 30 but…. you know I’m used to it being asked for ID all the time. In Pubs, even in the airport! It had happened to me.
I have been in stores and have had younger people calling me honey, I’ve been called darling.
Another situation was this week too I was taking a walk with my baby in the stroller and the kids from school were geting out so they look at me like wowww she is a teeneger with a baby! a group of girls were talking and when they saw me coming they all stop talking and after passing one of them said Shut up!
Like Caroline said it is also difficult when you are a parent and when people sees you with a baby they think you are some kind of teeneger.
I wish i could do something about it, but it doesn’ help because I Do have baby face and I’m very petite I’m only 5’1.
I’m just sooo sooo tired of not been taken seriously and treaten more politely.
What can I do what things I can change in my look?
Anyway all the post are very nice.
I was hoping someone would be giving advice. I am 24 and, though I do not appear younger than my age, my fiance is 27 years older than I, and I do not wish to be mistaken for his daughter.
I suggest classic clothing (limit one trendy item per outfit), accessories, natural but polished makeup with matte lipsticks rather than glosses, short heels, quality fashion, colorful, shapely clothing that is not flashy or cutesy, layered or shorter haircuts, knee-length skirts, tops with texture rather than basic tees, tight-fitting shirts or embellished clothing, no sweats, tailored jeans – not too tight, too loose, faded or holed – wide leg is good though, no scrunchies – opt for a barrette clasped at the nape of your neck instead, no caps, simple handbags, coordinated jewelry and of course an attitude of classy elegance. White or off-white jeans are great for casual style.
While looking in the mirror, tell yourself you are the age you want to look, and make changes to make it believable. Fix areas that do not reflect this age – like switching to ballet flats or skimmers instead of sneakers. Be feminine, but not girlish, pulled-together without trying too hard. Be respectful of others and maintain a calm, cool and collected appearance so that you are taken more seriously. Don’t fidget, giggle or slump – be a lady. Say please and thank you. Talk slower, enunciate, sit with your ankles crossed when you wear a skirt. Layers are fantastic – a simple jacket or cardigan can make your outfit more coordinated and classy. Walk like you have a purpose. Make plans, be neat and organized, iron your clothes, be prompt.
Teens are often mistaken for adults when they dress and act the part, and you can do the same – no wrinkles or gray hair required. It also helps if you are with people your own age or older, partially because you will likely emulate them, and if you use educated language (saying “that would be lovely, thank you” instead of “sure” when someone asks if you want coffee, or using words such as affiliated in everyday conversation). You may even want to consider more classic music – I love classical and Italian music myself – and more classic fragrances such as vanilla or lavender body sprays or Chanel perfume. It is great that you are aging gracefully, and best of luck to you in your pursuit!
The resentment of looking younger then ones age can only be understood by people who have had that problem themselves. Talking to people who have never had that problem Ive learned was a complete waste of time. Furthermore I think asking people how old they are is Blaintly inappropriate. Im in my early 30’s and I still see red when people make comments about my apperance in regards to how old I look.
Here’s my story…
Im 21 and just graduated for Le Cordon Bleu Institute of America with high honors. I was the Salutatorian. I am a baker at one job and a receptionist at the other. It is so hard to get any respect when I am constantly getting mistaken for being 12 or 13. I really do not think I look that young but… whatever I guess. In this business it is customary for people to call the chefs “chef” but I am constantly getting called “sweetie” or “hun” from every angle. It is seriously driving me nuts. If they are old enough to be my mother than okay, sure call me those names if you want… But if you are only a couple years older it makes me crazy. I know 21 and 12 aren’t really a HUGE difference in age numerically… But the physical difference is huge. I guess I just have one of those “baby faces”. It must run in my blood because my 52 year old mother is still getting carded when we go out to eat and orders a drink. I hope I will be able to enjoy the perks of this one day but for now it seems like a curse. I can’t get over the disrespect. People really only YELL at you when they think you are just a kid.
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Does anyone have any other advice for me? (I dress very professional at my receptionist job and have to sport a uniform at my baker’s job)
I have noticed a lot of comments with respect to people looking younger than their age. From the time that I was 2, I started to look a couple years older than I actually was. But, that was because I had barely any fat on me and mostly muscle. Then, as I reached my teens, people started mistaking me for a high school student. Finally, while I was in high school, people started to mistake me for being 20 years old instead of 17 or 18. I am 19, and now start to look my age, although I prefer dressing in dress shirts and jeans as my form of everyday clothing. Why so many people unknown to me look at me as though I am older than I actually am can be a bit beneficial if you are looking for a partner older than yourself.
I feel sorry for those who are feeling “childed” (meaning treated younger than your age, can be correlated to teens with a baby-faced look.) However, that disadvantage will turn into an advantage once you reach your 50s or 60s. My non-blood great-grandma looks to be in her 80s even though she is going to be 100 years old next year.
Again, I must admit I am somewhat unfortunate to have physically grown up so quickly from the age of 10 to the age of 16. I haven’t grown another inch since.
Just one question out of curiosity: why are there so many teenagers looking so much shorter than the lot of us who graduated a year later? When I was in grade 11, there were so many grade 9ers looking like they would have been in grade 6! I found that rather amusing.
my sister Lauren was mistaken for her age once in 2010 she was mistaken for my age because me and my sister’s birthday’s are one day apart from each other but we have a 10 year difference between us so in 2010 on my sister’s birthday someone said to her So Lauren you are now 13 years old I was with her and I was like NO I am the 13 year old my sister Lauren here is 23 til next year and the person was like I am sorry Emeigh and Lauren it is just that your birthday’s are 1 day apart and 10 years to I always get you 2 mixed up with each other and I said to the person hay in 10 years on my 23 birthday and my sister the next day 10 years from now turns 33 are you gonna think I am 33 and she is 23 in 10 years the person said ya probably so my sister was mistaken for age.
Wow, great posts, thanks everyone.
I’m yet another ‘victim’ of looking 21 when I’m actually 30. And my issue is that this topic of conversation literally comes up at least once a week with random strangers. I don’t know whether it’s my occupation (I’m a nurse), or country town living or whether it’s because I’m single & often out and about, but my age is casually asked ALL the time & I have to go through the same conversation & watch the shock & disbelief on the strangers face everytime.
I need a come back line or something witty to respond to their disbelief instead of just smiling, waiting for the conversation to move on.
I was very appreciative to read others angst in the indecisiveness as to whether this trait is a gift or a foe and I can relate to all stories of frustration from the difficulty in dating, work and being called ‘sweety’ by the 22 year old shop assistant. (gee that annoys me!)
Good luck fellow baby-faces, and don’t worry because apparently “you’ll appreciate it one day!” (how many times have you been told that!)
I’am American with European decent. 42 yrs. and..people think I’am 10yrs.younger too.
I am 43 (2 months away from 44 birthday) and when I tell people my oldest daughter is 19 they look at me as if I am from Mars and literary they are confused. I am told I look late 20’s to early 30’s… So enjoy the ride – I love being told that and truly enjoy the compliments.
Just be happy with yourself. About the only time it irks me is when a bank or a cop treats me differently because they think I’m some teenage kid up to no good. I’ve found that as a guy wearing a collared shirt takes care of the bank, even if I’m wearing shorts.
As far as the cops are concerned, invoking my constitutional rights to a lawyer and keeping my mouth shut. I’ve pissed off more than one cop doing that.
Just turned 31 and I’m usually mistaken for 20-22. Glad there’s others out there in the same boat.
I don’t really mind, but I feel it does hold me back during 1st impressions because people really misjudged you. I’m sure many you all can relate.
Damn this baby face! I’m wishing for my gray hair to start coming in. 🙂
Am 26, a graduate, n high school boys still think am their mate n therefore approachable. Am now ready 4 marriage yet…am sure u understand where am coming from. The only suitor i have is 37( this is attributed not to the fact that am not beautiful, quite the opposite, my petite shape is to be blamed for making me look like a teenager), and though the 11 years gap is not a problem to us, it has become a problem to people around us because i can claim to be 18 and nobody will doubt it. People look at us together and wonder whereas there are lots of girls who are younger than me but look a lot older than me, a typical example is my younger sister, lol. Please is there nothing i can do to “grow up”? Coz i want to marry and fast
I am in 2nd year of university and i look as if i am a 10th grader. When i drive people stare at me thinking that i am some kid who has stolen his dad’s car and is on a joy ride.
I have a baby face when i was in 5th grade my class teacher gave me the name ‘babyface of class’
In an engineering exhibition, a guy who had bring a project asked me in which year i was, (so he could explain better, knowing my level of knowledge) i was so annoyed that i asked him if he would want to see my university id card 😛
29 year old mom of 2 here. In Turkey I was getting stares ranging from weird to downright hateful. Recently a Turkish woman explained that it might be because I look like I’m 21 and my older daughter looks like she’s 6 years old. So they are all doing some quick maths and jumping to conclusions that I must have been a child bride.
My daughter is only 3.5 years old, I had her when I was 24 years old….quite normal by any social standard…yet walking down the mall even if 15 people are giving me nasty looks, I want to bitch slap at least 7 of them.
I wrote about it here http://monsterhugs.blogspot.com/2011/11/mystery-solved.html
Hee hee, oh, I’ve got that problem, too. I was in the hospital the other day, and the insurance lady asked me for my father’s birthdate. I told her he was born in ’45, and she thought I was pulling a fast one on her.
Hi im 32 years old and I look like 23/24 I have younger male approach me all the time but at the same token it feels like noone takes me seriously so I feel ur pain lol but u know what all ur mates will be jeolous at the end of the day that u look the same…so I hope I made u feel beta
I thought i was the only one on the planet looking much much MUCH younger than I am. I’m 20 years old by the way and very often get told that I’m 13.. Relieved that I’m not alone 😛
I’m in my 50’s and male and 6’2″ (300 pounds) and constantly chated up by women in their early 20’s. Most people think I’m in my late 30’s so it is probably due to my confidence and dare I say since of gravitas. My father was the same, but he is only 5′ 4″ and very slight build. He told me he was asked for ID in clubs upto his early 30’s. From what I’ve read, youthfulness is a combination of avoiding the suns rays, sugar, and stress (Look at Steve Jobs!) yes he was sick, but he lost his looks very quickly from 25.
…Hi…I’m 28 usually get confused by 18-21 years…Its good in the compliment side, but seriously I’m tired that there isn’t anyone older than 25 that would asked me out…I don’t know if it’s a blessing or a frustration of the moment…and dating 21 years old is not a solution,..
I’m glad to see many are going through the same thing I am. Not that it’s a bad thing, but after a while it gets to you. I’m 40 and a few years ago I was mistaken for a high-schooler. I still get IDed at bars and they stopped IDing me for lottery tickets at 35. I think it does have a lot to do with the sun. I inheritted my excessive melanin from my father and I have never gotten a sunburn; however, changes in my lifestyle have caused me to become nocturnal. Though my skin has lightened over the years, as a result, my skin’s melanin remain brown. So perhaps it is the sun.
Am vivston and i have the same problem too.am in high skool.and am 19 years old but 4 me i look like a 7 year old girl.and students make fun of me that am a drawf that pains me alot.i am tired of it coz it makes me cry i hate it.i just wish i was like the others how do u manage being mistaken as being young because 4 me i cant take this any more pliz help me
I’m a 21 year old girl and will turn 22 this year but I only look 15-16 years old. Often, people who see me for the first time, ask me which grade I am in. And at that instant, it pinches me. I tell them I’m not in school anymore, and that I’m a graduate student. They act surprised, apologize for mistaking me for a younger girl, and then ask me what I do. It is annoying, ofcourse. Looking young is good, looking like a kid is not! There is very little we can do other than ensuring that we dress up in a manner that will make us look older than how we otherwise look. I haven’t started working or anything, just got out of college now. So don’t know how this is going to affect me professionally. There is just one thing, I know this is what I am and this is how I’m always going to look so I have to live with it. And if I have to live with it no matter what, then I’d better be happy and feel positiveabout it. It’s only going to be better for me if I take it as a boon rather than a bane, otherwise I’m only going to lead a miserable life wishing for something that might never happen and instead will miss out on all the other lovely things around me!
Thought I was alone going through this issue, but feeling very reassured to have a community of ppl pissed off about the same dilemma. I’m now 30 but look 19, until I speak intelligently, which is when i’m not questioned about my age. I hate going to certain restaurants because I know from the start that the waitress will piss me off by calling me honey, sweetie, young lady, or miss. What happened to ma’am or nothing at all. I’m maybe out alone, or maybe on a date but still the same. It never fails. 1. I just wanna enjoy my meal w/o worrying about my age and young appearance. 2. It’s extremely rude to assume that my date is out with a minor. And 3. I’m exhausted with feeling like telling someone off, or explaining my age every time I go out. I very much hate appearing bitter, angry, or an embarrassment to my boyfriend or around other guests at the restaurant. I wish ppl’d be polite to “Everyone” and not judge what they see or assume at the workplace, stores, and restaurants.
We need to join together to fight back. A law against this mistreatment needs to be in place, as it bothers more of us than imagined.
And to add insult to injury, my boyfriend is of another race. So that opens up another can or worms.
I’m 29 almost 30 and I have two daughters ages 16 months and turning 3 next month , I stand 4ft 10 I’m petite and apparently unless I’m wearing makeup and no glasses I look a lot younger I had a cashier ask me once if my daughters were mine, I was asked if my oldest was my sister, people always mistake me for younger they treat me differently , they give me looks we know the looks and the comments that they think I cant hear . I get carded, and when I’m with my husband its not any better he’s 2 yrs older but they think ,we are much further apart. Teenagers are the worst they gossip about me until I get up close and they realize im not their age lets just say they are shocked. I dress like a mother and a woman going on 30. Petite doesn’t mean young its means Im short and there are a lot more petite older individuals than people realize , think about it if a person is petite at 40, 50, 60 so on than they were always short no matter the age.
Another thing , I hate being called sweetie, ,honey, darling especially by someone who is my age or younger , if a person who is my mothers age does its acceptable.
I can not change my size but I can change my reaction to others .
I’m 28, and am generally thought by appearance to be a teenager. The biggest problem for me is at work; people know my age but still view as young a naive man. That is my predicament with this blessing and honestly I’ll take that trade-off 100% of the time. If I stressed too much about work I might look like co-workers.
I’m a 32 year old man and I get mistaken for an under 18 teenager at least twice a day. What surprises me is that this is despite being 6’2, 210 lbs. The people range from coworkers, cashiers in shops when I want to buy alcohol, lottery ticket cashiers, etc. Frankly I’m sick of it and being called “young man” by total strangers.
I’m male, 60, 190 cm, 80 Kg, and can pass for late 30s – mid 40s. The only disadvantage is when claiming age-related concessions. I find that carrying a senior railcard helps with the sceptical.
I’m 33 year old man and people usually estimate me 25. I disliked it when I was 25 and I got treated like I was a teenager but now that I’m 33 I would’t want it to be any other way. I take good care of my health and skin, probably more then most woman and I hope to stay looking young as long as possible. The only downside is my wife who is 2 years older then me starts to look like she is 10 years older. It kinda makes me worry sometimes…
I am 33, and when I visited my friend who just had her baby, the nurse stopped me and said “minors are not allowed on this floor without adult supervision”. When I showed her my driver’s license she was floored.
I’m 21 and I get mistaken as 14-16 most of the time.
I’m 50. This is my current photo. I am regularly mistaken for 32.
What’s annoying about looking younger than you are, particularly if you are well put together and attractive, is that other women talk over you, become snotty and condescending, ask you if you are pregnant, and imply that you are immature. I love these snots down a few pegs by informing them that I am actually older than they are.
What’s both annoying and amusing about looking younger is seeing men get all silly around you, whistle or catcall or just stare, when you have much more confidence and a quicker tongue to deal with their harassment than you did when you were the age you are being mistaken for. It’s even more amusing when they are YOUNGER than you are. It’s up to you if you want to tell them your true age or not.
I usually do, as I am living proof that a woman doesn’t “look” a certain “age,” and that people should not stereotype middle-aged women or anyone else.
When I turn 55, I’m going to wear a body cam and record my probably futile attempts to get my senior discount!